This is where I am trying to learn to live discontent. Trying is a good way of saying I am on the edge of falling into a deep abyss of apathy. There are so many overwhelming things on my heart, yet many practical things I need to be faithful with. The epic-ness of what the Lord has in store for me makes the here and now commitments seem like trash (I know, getting my college degree isn't trash...but sometimes it seems like it will never end! ugh).
In my attempt at verbal processing to a friend last week I realized what this discontentment really is. It is a chance for me to be faithful in the small things. I also realized something else, there is no way I have the capabilities to do this on my own...HECK NO!! Surrender is my only option (story of my life....seriously). If I don't learn to be faithful here, throughout my whole life I will always be whining that I want to be in a different place than where I am.
Being discontent is actually kind of a blessing. I feel as if each day I am learning, growing, trying to seek out this fire that burns inside me. It drives me to do something. Yes, it can lead me to go crazy, but that is when I try to control the situation instead of being faithful...in everything, always, even the crap I don't want to do.
So here it goes....
Lord, there is absolutely no way that I can do this. I am way too human to do this, but You are always faithful. Strengthen me, help me to learn how to be like You.